It is wonderful to meet you here in this community. Kudos to you for experimenting with our Listening Tools and for reaching out. I don’t know if you were on the call with Maya this evening and got your question answered, but I will offer some thoughts…
If your child has asked you for something and you’ve answered and you get repeated requests, that is a sure sign that they are off-track. Some feeling of disconnection or knot of tension in their limbic system – the emotional processing part of their brain – is running the show and they have no connection to the thinking reasoning part of their brain – the prefrontal cortex.
Since they CAN’T THINK, if we continue to try to answer them or reason with them or satisfy them, we end up feeling frustrated and we might just loose it! Their repeated requests ‘hold me! hold me! hold me!’ is their signal that they need us to simply listen. We move in close, bringing the limit to them that ‘I’m not going to pick you up right now, sweetie’ or ‘we’ll get water a little later, love’ and simply listen to them.
Here is an article that explains this process:
The most important thing to remember is that if you’ve answered them and that doesn’t satisfy them, then they really can’t think. We can connect with them, make eye contact, set the limit and then LISTEN. As long as you know they are not in any physical discomfort, just about anything can wait.
Know, too that you can fill your son’s connection cup as a preventative measure. Daily Special Time will help increase his flexibility, ease and ability to listen. You can use Special Time as a preventative tool. At the first sign of your son starting to whine or repeat himself, you can offer 5 minutes of Special Time. Often repeated requests and that impatience means ‘help! I’m feeling disconnected over here’. So, if you offer 5 minutes of connection through Special Time and/or some rough n tumble play, even the vigorous snuggle, your warm attention could be enough to get him back on track.
If connection is not enough to get him back on track, then refer to the above (: Move in, make eye contact, set a limit and listen.
And, let us know how it goes!
Peace & Smiles,
Parenting by Connection Certified Instructor
Conscious Child-raising Creating Cooperation and Peace
Follow me on facebook: Parenting by Connection with Kathy
“If we are to teach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with children” – Gandhi