Welcome!!! It’s great that you are here. I have not listened to the recording of last nights call, but my guess is that the Instructor Maya may have been referring to the thousands of articles and success stories that are on our website http://www.handinhandparenting.org I’ll give you the link to some of those articles that I think can help with your parenting situation.
What a good connected Mama you are to give your little guy so much attention. I think I can give you a few ideas that can help him start to play independently a bit and be willing to play with Dad.
First – a question? Are you setting a timer when you do Special Time? Setting the timer is what makes Special Time special and distinguishes it from other times that we are playing with our kiddos. It’s important to set the timer even for a 2 yr old. There are several reasons:
– It gives us a finite amount of time when we are committed to giving our child UNDIVIDED attention – without interruption
– They feel that they can trust that we will not shift our attention to the phone, email, picking up the clutter or anything else during that sacred 10 minutes (or 15 or 5)
– It gives them a limit to bump up against and a PRETEXT for showing us how hard and scary it is for them. That’s why Patty recommends that we only offer about 1/2 of the time we think we have available, so that when the timer goes off, we can LISTEN to their feelings.
For stay at home Mamas, there can be a tendency to think that you are doing Special Time all day, but you really want to offer a finite amount of time. Then when the timer goes off, you PROPOSE that you are going to go do something else. You don’t have to actually break your connection. You can simply start to move away. This will allow them to have a good cry as they feel the possibility of separation.
Here are several articles and a video from our website that will give you some ideas:
And then one about Special Time helping with more independent play
To get more great information on Special Time, Staylistening and Playlistening look around in the different Resource Centers on this website https://www.handinhandmembers.org/resource-centers/
There is a special section for Dads, which I highly recommend you show to your husband. It would be great if he started giving your son regular Special Time and some rough n tumble play. There are some great articles there – one called Dads are Primary Parents, too and another 2 part article on what to do when child only wants Mommy. Helping your son and his Dad connect will be so nurturing for their relationship and will help your little guy to feel more grounded and secure.
Try setting a timer for Special Time and see if that brings up a release of feelings. Also, try some of these playful ideas around separation, and let us know how it goes.
If you’d like more information and support, we have a full self-guided video class on Separation Anxiety: http://shop.handinhandparenting.org/products/say-goodbye-to-separation-anxiety#oid=15_15 and you can always work one-on-one with an Instructors for individual attention and coaching. http://shop.handinhandparenting.org/collections/one-on-ones/products/one-on-one-consulting
Let us know how we can continue to support you and your little guy as your work through this emotional project.
Peace & Smiles,
Parenting by Connection Certified Instructor
Conscious Child-raising Creating Cooperation and Peace
Follow me on facebook: Parenting by Connection with Kathy
“If we are to teach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with children” – Gandhi