Thank you Kathy!
I am so glad I found HIH but it also leaves me with tonnes of questions because of where I currently am with my son.
I am a asking myself why did this have to happen to me, why is it so hard, why did I have to suffer so much from the day he entered this world? I felt hatred towards him as early as 2 yrs of age. I resented how much I suffered after his birth ( painful debilitating cesarean section) and struggled with his challenging behaviour, he was never a peaceful content baby then became a whirlwind toddler. It was all pure exhaustion. As early as 16 months old I started to wonder if something was wrong with him. He always acted different than other kids and his intensity was atleast 10x more. Our pediatrician said he was spirited and to young to diagnose. Now that he’s 6 and things are showing up in school (no aggression though) we are into a diagnostic process. The aggression shows up at home or in public and mostly just with me. So now I don’t want to be in public with him. I feel afraid of what he will become. It has brought horrible thoughts of wanting to give him up to a better family, feeling like I failed him as a mom, feeling like I cannot love him the way he needs me to, feeling like someday he will unleash some rage on me and actually succeed at hurting me. I have felt like I just want to go away because I’m the cause of all his hurt and I’ve ruined him. If it wasn’t for me maybe he wouldn’t need to be diagnised. I cannot stand the pain I have anymore or the pain he’s experiencing and unleashing on me. Im afraid I can’t do this alone. I have no HIH instructors in my area and I’m having a horrible time finding a good therapist which I know I need. I have decided to start the parent intensive course and I’d like to know more about finding a therapist who deals with trauma. I will also look locally if that’s what I need to look for more specifically. I tried to sign up for the podcast on the link you sent about no hitting etc but it said unavailable when I put in my name and email . The playful ideas are great. I’ve started getting more playful with him when he’s aggressive at home and he will start smiling then laughing but he also gets rough which im not a big fan of. I have also noticed the aggression has gotten much worse after I started stay listening with him. In general his behavior is worse since HIH, do you know how long ths will take to see improvement or how will I know it’s working for him? Also I’ve got such mixed feelings with diagnosing but I feel I have no choice. Will HIH still work if he ends up being diagnosed? He’s being assessed for ADHD and ASD. My other question that swirls in my mind is could I have caused this diagnosis or his birth trauma? My husband and I have decided that if there is a diagnosis medication will be a last resort. We are considering brain core as a treatment 1st and hoping HIH will help us too.
You have been very helpful, Thank you so much. I know HIH is helping it’s just we’re still in the thick of it. For the parent intensive course I will not be able to attend your class due to the time not working for my schedule but Madeleine has a time that could work. You seem to understand my situation and I’m wondering if I could do some work with you directly outside of the course? Or do you think I’d get enough support through the course. I’d appreciate your input,you’ve been so helpful. I like how HIH has given me the emotional support I need to see me thru this. My parenting journey has been so lonely and unsupported for far to long. I’m so relieved I found HIH and I just wonder how others make it thru this parenting journey. Please let me know your thoughts