Hi Sarah and Tarja,
Whooo hoo! I’m so glad you reached out Tarja and it’s great that Sarah responded. I wanted to use this opportunity to repost the listening partnership guidelines. It can be tempting – especially since you are both dealing with sleep – to give advice. DON’T! (: Any advice giving, even done with the best of intentions will erode the safety between you and make your listening time less effective. It can even make the whole partnership go south – especially if one person seems to take on the role of ‘coach’ or ‘expert’. You two may already know this, so I’m using your courage and connection as an opportunity to 1) encourage everyone in this Club to get Listening Partners and 2) follow these guidelines.
LPs only work well if you both agree to follow the guidelines. Here are my cliff notes:
1. Decide on the amount of time you will each take
2. Start with what’s going well
3. One person shares, while the other person listens, ONLY thinking the thought the person sharing is good and they will figure it out without any help, advice or fixing. NO INTERRUPTING. NO FIXING. NO ADVICE
4. When the timer goes off, the listener asks the talker a detailed inane question, i.e. What are the designs of some of your socks? what’s in your junk drawer? name the colors of the rainbow? etc This REFRESHER question helps your partner reconnect to the thinking part of their brain, the cortex, and get their attention up and out, so that they can listen to you.
5. Then switch – ONLY LISTEN and when the timer goes off, ask the person sharing a question so they can get their attention back up and out.
6. If you can, set a time when you’ll meet again
7. End with something to which you are looking forward, something you appreciate about yourself, or something you appreciate about your partner
8. No talking about what the other person said – NO REFERRING!!!
9. No chit-chatting or asking for parenting advice – as much as you would like to – it can erode the safety of your time together
Here are the 5 principles:
1. Respect your listening partner, and the power of your own attention
2. Pay attention to your partner’s issues, not your own during their turn
3. Identify the upset that your partner has chosen to work on.
4. Help your partner to release the emotional tension they talk about
5. Counter the feeling or behavior left by the hurt
2 useful articles:
Go to your WEEKLY EMAIL ARCHIVE and you’ll find 4 short videos on Listening Partnerships. Very helpful!! https://www.handinhandmembers.org/weekly-email-archive/
Happy Listening! Let us know how it goes…
Peace & Smiles,
Hand in Hand Certified Instructor
Conscious Child-raising Creating Cooperation and Peace
Follow me on facebook: Parenting by Connection with Kathy
“If we are to teach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with children” – Gandhi