Great question! and to catch everyone up, here was Tarja’s question:
just to be clear, we can add a prompting question that leads to deepening what our LP is bringing up? thats how it was demonstrated for us and it really impacted us all positively.
The short answer is YES! One of the principals of LPs is to notice where it’s hard for your partner or where they get stuck If you notice that they are talking around something or giving you lots of details, you can ask something like what’s the feeling underneath this? or does this remind of an earlier time or does this remind you of someone. You can also say tell me more about that or if they are silent you can say what’s that thought or first thought
HOWEVER I highly recommend that when you start a new LP THE LESS YOU SAY THE BETTER That is because you first need to build trust. So, when you first partner, it’s better to trust that your warm attention IS ENOUGH
After you’ve exchanged a few times and the partnership feels safe – no one is giving advice, interrupting or referring – then you can give a small direction. That’s what that probing question is called. It’s not analyzing, therapizing, philosophizing or giving advice. The small question or suggestion is pointing their attention in a direction that may help them go deeper.
Now I will tell you, when I start a new partnership, I tell them the less you say the better. I know my process well enough and I take responsibility for my own release – so I find that, generally, when someone asks me a question, it stops my process. Just the other night, I had to ask an LP to be less frequent and enthusiastic in her uh-huh, yeah. She was letting me know that she was there too often and it was distracting me.
The longer you partner with someone, the better you will know their process and how to support them in that process. I’m not sure if it’s on any of the 4 videos in your weekly archive, but Patty says, you will make mistakes. You will give someone a direction and it will stop their process. OOoops, wrong rabbit hole! You just back up and LISTEN. They will find their way.
You can also ask your partner for certain prompts. You can say, “if I start to talk and talk and talk, you can say I don’t need to know the details” You can ask them to be your whiney child. You can be your whiney child and you can ask them to be playful with you. We are less triggered by someone else’s child, therefore have more access to our creativity and playfulness.
Bottom line: if you follow the guidelines and trust that your warm attention is enough, you cannot get it wrong.
Thanks for asking Tarja so we can all learn!
Peace & Smiles,