Yes- I see now that despite feeling like I was setting limits I wasn’t. Already today she’s had multiple upsets with not grabbing toys, not getting more special time, not going to the restaurant she wants to go to… I always get so mad and start forcing right away! I never noticed I could be gentle and calm and just say ‘we are going.Time to get ready.’
I’m always locked into these negotiations begging and pleading and ending up infuriated that I am bending over backwards for someone not entirely reasonable!
Beyond that I absolutely now remember being forced to attend many events and school with so much anxiety. I did not have a choice.
I’m still figuring out the school thing because actually I do feel like school is kind of a waste of time and plan to homeschool but would like her to try a one or two day on site program. So I’ll just have to figure out how long is ‘enough’ before quitting.
In the past I’ve tried to enforce going until the session I paid for is done. Even if I enroll her sister in a class she will grumble and groan about going and fight tooth and nail but I can see I just have to hold the limit without anger now. It doesn’t mean she’s a selfish terrible person (which is how I fear she is and how I was mad to feel when I was upset or acting selfish and misunderstood).
Sometimes it’s easier to figure this out via email. And I do notice a lot of your advice is the same over and over you get credit for keeping at it! Sometimes you just can’t see it in your own situation even though it’s the same tools for everything. Thank you 🙂