Oh.. so many Hand in Hand Facebook groups!!!! (: You are in the big Hand in Hand Parent Support FB Group. That group has over 5,000 members. Many of those folks are brand new to Hand in Hand.
There is also a Hand in Hand Parent Club FB group. That group is open to anyone in the Parent Club. Some folks are not on FB, so they prefer this discussion area. Others wanted a FB group so we opened one up. I can add you to that group.
There is slightly more activity on the Parent Club FB group than there is here – most likely because those folks tend to be on FB a lot.
There is also a secret Hand in Hand FB group for Listening Partners. In any other group, you can both seek LPs and ask parenting questions. The HIH LP FB group is ONLY for finding and supporting Listening Partnerships. The folks in that group tend to be a bit more HIH saavy, and all in that group are committed to finding and maintaining one or more LPs.
You can seek an LP in any and all groups. I like to say that almost ANYONE can be your LP, as long as they follow the guidelines. It’s been awhile since I’ve posted the guidelines in the Parenting Club So here they are:
So that you can think well, be patient, calm and even playful, here is our cliff-note version of ‘how-to’ do this exchange of LISTENING TIME that we call LPs. When you find a partner or 2, what creates safety and healing is following these GUIDELINES:
1. Decide on the amount of time you will each take
2. Start with what’s going well
3. One person shares, while the other person listens. The listener just LISTENS, while thinking, “You are good. You will figure it out.” The listener’s warmth, presence and good thoughts are enough.
NO ADVICE! NO FIXING! NO REFLECTING BACK!!!
4. When the timer goes off, the listener asks the talker a detailed refresher question, i.e. What are the designs of some of your socks? What’s in your junk drawer? Name the colors of the rainbow? etc. This helps your partner to reconnect to the thinking part of the cortex, and get their attention up and out, so that they can listen to you.
5. Then switch. As you listen think that your partner is GOOD and they will figure it out. When the timer goes off, ask the person sharing a question so they can get their attention back up and out.
6. If you can, set a time when you’ll meet again
7. End with something to which you are looking forward, something you appreciate about yourself, or something you appreciate about your partner
8. No talking about what the other person said – NO REFERRING!!!
9. No chit-chatting or asking for parenting advice – as much as you would like to – it can erode the safety of your time together
Here are the 5 principles:
1. Respect your listening partner, and the power of your own attention
2. Pay attention to your partner’s issues, not your own during their turn
3. Identify the upset that your partner has chosen to work on.
4. Help your partner to release the emotional tension they talk about
5. Counter the feeling or behavior left by the hurt
2 useful articles:
I’ll add you to the Parent Club FB group. Let us know how it goes…
Peace & Smiles,
Hand in Hand Certified Instructor
Conscious Child-raising Creating Cooperation and Peace
Follow me on facebook: Parenting by Connection with Kathy
“If we are to teach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with children” – Gandhi