Great question! So… if your 3 yr old asks “why” and you give a short explanation and they say “ok”, then you know that they are thinking. There is no need to Staylisten or Playlisten. They are thinking.
If they ask “why” and you give a short explanation, and they whine, complain, argue, bargain, beg and/or keep asking ‘why’, then you know that they CANNOT THINK.
There has been a shift in the last decade or so toward giving children reasons and choices – and that is all very good. However, if they can’t think, then we can exhaust ourselves trying to reason with them. And, as I said, sometimes the reasoning is for US. – as in, if I can just get them to “agree” then they won’t get upset.
The Hand in Hand approach to Bringing the Limit is that, once we determine that they are off-track and can’t think, then we BRING the limit with little to no explanation, and simply LISTEN – trusting that once they have a good emotional poop and their storm has passed, THEN they will be able to think. We may not even need to explain!
Does that help?
Here is an article that illustrates our approach.
Keep asking those good questions, Mama! And let us know how it goes..
Peace & Smiles,
Hand in Hand Certified Instructor
Conscious Child-raising Creating Cooperation and Peace
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“If we are to teach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with children” – Gandhi