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Congratulations on baby #2. It’s no wonder that you feel powerless and overwhelmed and that your sweet #1 is going off-track more of the time. This is a big transition coming up.
It’s clear that you are doing so many good things to deepen your connection and listen to her feelings. And it sounds like right now, she has a lot of them. She is about to be REPLACED!!! It also sounds like she may pack down her feelings when she tustles with her Dad, and saves them up for you. In our experience, those feelings have to come out somewhere. Since you are offering so much safety and connection, YOU are getting all the feelings.
And those feelings are being driven by a lot of FEAR. Fear is what gets kicked up when a new baby is coming because she can feel the loss of some of our attention already. This article gives you a blueprint on how to help her with her feelings of fear.
The one thing that you didn’t mention above was LISTENING PARTNERSHIPS. Do you have some Listening Partners and are you able to get Listening Time? Listening Time is THE very best place to work on feelings of powerlessness. You can start with how powerless you might be feeling in your body right now and work backward, possibly remember times when you felt powerless as a small child. When I give myself a chance to rant, rave, cry about the hurts I experienced as a small child, I always find that I have much more capacity to BRING Limits and Listen to my son. If you don’t have a Listening Partner, there are lots of parents here eager to exchange Listening Time. You just have to make a separate post.
It’s wonderful that you are able to be playful when she says ‘no’ and that signals that she is feeling really scared and disconnected. And it’s certainly understandable that you are feeling tapped out. More Listening Time will help you refuel and here are some ideas that might nurture your silly side.
You are doing really well, good Mama! And I’m sorry your sweet girl is having such a tough time. I hope that some of these ideas on helping her with this big transition will help you. Please let us know how it goes. We are here for you!
Peace & Smiles,
Hand in Hand Certified Instructor
Conscious Child-raising Creating Cooperation and Peace
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“If we are to teach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with children” – Gandhi