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I’m so sorry that you and your sweet girl are having a tough time.
Do you have a LISTENING PARTNER yet? It is almost impossible to parent with connection unless WE are getting emotional support. YOU need someone to LISTEN to you. Only when you get someone to LISTEN to you, will you be able to see what is driving your sweet girl’s off-track behavior.
She is LOSING YOU!!! She is losing you to the new baby, and she’s signalling HELP! HELP!! HELP!! She particularly NEEDS you when she has been away from you for awhile. She really needs you to connect BEFORE you ask her to do anything.
It’s true. When she comes home, she is going to show how much she is HURTING. If she came home from Grandma’s with a stomachache, you could probably be loving and patient. You would even pat her back and support her if she had to throw up. She is coming home from Grandma’s with a HEARTACHE. A heartache is even more painful than a stomachache, because she needs your help to release the feelings that are causing her heart to hurt.
Luce, I just realized that I never answered your question above about “obeying”. She will be more cooperative only when she feels SAFE and CONNECTED. The Hand in Hand approach is to help a child to feel safe and connected first, so that we don’t have to threaten them. Of course, she was cooperative after your husband shook her. She was too afraid to show you how much she is hurting. She cooperated out of FEAR.
This teleseminar will explain to you how to get her to LISTEN and cooperate.
Here is a great story about a Mom who RECONNECTED with her sweet boy through an affection game. You could also offer SPECIAL TIME when she first gets home. It’s just so important to reconnect with her BEFORE you ask her to do anything.
It’s really important, Lucia that you see your daughter’s off-track behavior as a SIGNAL FOR HELP, rather than disobedience.
To do that, YOU have to get some emotional support for you. If you do not feel comfortable reaching out for a Listening Partnership, we offer private consultations, 6 week and 10 week classes. With a new baby coming, I urge you to get emotional support on a regular basis.
Here is the information about setting up a Listening Partnership. If you let us know your availability we can put it out to the other members of the Parenting Club.
A private consultation:
One on One Consultations
Our 6 week class
Hand in Hand Parenting Starter Class
Please let us know how we can support you good Mama. None of us can do this hard work of parenting alone. Your sweet girl needs YOU to get some support so you can be there for her. She loves you and wants to cooperate. She just needs some help. We want to help you, help her. We’ve got your back!
Peace & Smiles,
Hand in Hand Certified Instructor
Conscious Child-raising Creating Cooperation and Peace
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“If we are to teach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with children” – Gandhi