I’m so glad you posted a second question. Something is up with our discussion board and I am not getting notifications. And I’m so glad you reached out.
I don’t know if you have a Listening Partner, yet. But this is the very off-track behavior, that we really need Listening Time around. It’s tough for us not to take what they are saying “literally”. Something to keep in mind is that when our kiddos are off-track, the emotional processing system of their brain is running the show. They have little to no access to the logical/reasoning/language part of their brain and they CAN’T THINK. So we can see the stuff coming out of their mouths as a HELP! HELP! HELP! That’s why it’s sooo important that we are getting Listening Time – so that we can see that emotional gunk for what it is – GUNK!
They are telling us that they feel SCARED/Disconnected/anxious. So we come in with CONNECTION and PLAY. It is so much easier to help them release and let go of this kind of anxiousness/tension through LAUGHTER. Here are some ideas in these three articles:
Most of the time, when we respond to the HURT that is underneath the words – by bringing Connection/Safety/Play, we don’t have to have a discussion about how hurtful the words are. Your sweet girl knows this. She just can’t access that knowing when she is hurting.
You are so smart to want to be RELAXED and not get triggered by her words. That is the first step – your good thinking and awareness. The next step is for YOU to get some emotional support in Listening Time so that you can respond Playfully. I suspect that by helping her to offload the tension/hurt she is feeling, she will be more than capable at navigating conflicts. She knows she has YOU to LISTEN to her feelings.
Let us know how it goes…
Peace & Smiles,
Hand in Hand Certified Instructor
Conscious Child-raising Creating Cooperation and Peace
Follow me on facebook: Parenting by Connection with Kathy
“If we are to teach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with children” – Gandhi