There was a mama on the call tonight who said she wishes there was a list of things to say in different situations. Here’s a good one I refer to often: http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-nair-connect-four-parenting/20150114/33-positive-phrases-to-increase-toddler-cooperation
Hope it helps,
Thank you! I’m going to try this one! I think this will help all of us.
25. “It’s out-the-door time in 5 minutes, which is when this song is over.” Put a fun song on and as it is coming to the end, say, “Time to go—make sure you are all done before the song is.” I call this a transition signal.
Is the app at the end of the article the same one that was mentioned in the call?
Paige, thank you so much for contributing such a playful list. It is always great to play our way through transitions. In fact the Hand in Hand Parenting by Connection approach advocates even setting limits playfully, as in ‘no, no, no…I cant’ let you do that’ as we playfully stop our toddler from throwing their food on the floor. Our website is full of lots of great ideas on how to play your way through lots of different situations. Instructor Kate Orsen has written several blog posts full of ideas. Here are a few:
Articles like the one you shared and the ones above are so helpful. Many of us probably had pretty serious parents. There may not have been a lot of lightness in how we were parented. So, being playful may not come easily to us. Reading the ideas in these articles is almost like learning a new language. We are increasing our play vocabulary. If you have a situation that is not covered in the list above, I highly recommend searching our website.
Andrea is right on when she writes that whining is our child’s best attempt to signal us that they are feeling disconnected and off-track. Patty has some great ideas on both how to reconnect with our child and help them release the tension that is driving their whining. http://www.handinhandparenting.org/article/whats-the-cure-for-children-whining/
I think something to keep in mind, is that sometimes a good TANTRUM is just what our kiddos need. It often happens at the most inconvenient time, but if we can stop, move in close, gently stop the irrational behavior if need be, and LISTEN… on the other side of that tantrum we get our happy, cooperative connected child back. Here’s an example of a Mom who used both playlistening (being playful) and staylistening (setting a limit and listening to his tantrum) around using the potty. http://www.handinhandparenting.org/2014/04/staylistening-playlistening-using-potty/ And this one where the Mom staylistened to her 2 and 4 yr old who were fighting over a toy. http://www.handinhandparenting.org/2009/12/staylistening-in-stereo/
I think the more playful ideas and tools we can have in the Rolodex in our mind, for the tough times, the better. Laughter is such a great way to connect. Connection can bring cooperation because when our kid’s laugh, they are offloading the tension that may have prevented them from thinking well. So, thank you again for sharing such a great list.
And it’s great, too, to know the value of welcoming the tantrum. The value of stopping to listening to those hot healing tears, trusting that after our child has released that tension through tears, they will also be able to think well. That reminds me of one of my favorite Hand in Hand articles. Our communications director, Juli Idelman wrote it about her own good tantrum and the power of her husband listening to her feelings. There is nothing better!
Thanks good Mamas for starting this discussion. I hope more parents will join in with questions, their struggles and their success stories.
Peace & Smiles,
Parenting by Connection Certified Instructor
Conscious Child-raising Creating Cooperation and Peace
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